self-introduction: into Peanut dust, Squirrels & Sea Legs:

[Dusty]

The Life and Laughs of a Gray-Haired Gentleman with a Drill in One Hand and a Peanut in the Other”

At 76 years young, I’ve lived a few lifetimes’ worth of stories, and I’m still adding chapters, one squirrel box at a time.

After a career 35 year career chasing criminals as an investigator and commanding vessels as a marine officer (yes, I wore the hat and everything), I traded in my sea legs for sawdust and squirrels. Somewhere between family RV road trips, military service (back when horses were still optional), and raising a daughter who still thinks I’m only *slightly* nuts, I discovered my true calling: building luxury condos for Florida’s fluffiest freeloaders.

It all started innocently enough, just a man, a park bench, and a few peanuts. But one squirrel led to another, and before I knew it, I was knee-deep in drip-line sabotage, peanut bribes, and a full-blown rodent real estate empire. When the squirrels started chewing through my irrigation system, I retaliated the only way a retired commander could: with flower pot saucers, a 40-pound bag of peanuts, and a dream.

Soon came the wine box eviction (thanks, dear wife), which sparked the brilliant idea to convert them into squirrel nesting boxes. But what makes a good squirrel box? That question launched me into the wild world of online forums, YouTube rabbit holes, and eventually founding the Facebook group “Squirrel Box Construction,” a haven for fellow nutcase builders like myself. (Check the “FILES” section. You’re welcome.)

From predator guards to safe paints, from heat warmers (yes, really) to release pens for baby squirrels who can’t seem to stay in their trees, I’ve learned more about Sciurus carolinensis than I ever thought possible. And I’m still learning. Because after 20 years of retirement, you either find a hobby or start talking to your lawn ornaments. I chose squirrels. They talk back. Sometimes with teeth.

So here I am: gray-haired, glue-fingered, and grinning, living in my own little “Squirrel World.” I may not know it all, but what I do know, I’m happy to share—with a wink, a chuckle, and probably a peanut or two.

[CritterMom]

Beautifully and hilariously written. Thank you - you gave me a laugh when they have been scarce of late! You took some decidedly non-intuitive steps to get to your ultimate calling, but you got there! I think there is something beguiling about squirrels but it is only visible to certain people. "Meh" is not an available response - you either go whole hog and devote yourself to them fully or they aren't a part of your life.

"When the squirrels started chewing through my irrigation system, I retaliated the only way a retired commander could: with flower pot saucers, a 40-pound bag of peanuts, and a dream."

More of this, please!

[Dusty]

Oh, you’ve just made this old squirrel-whisperer’s day! Thank you for the kind words—and the laugh right back batcha. I’ve always said that life’s too short to be “meh” about squirrels. They’re either your fuzzy little obsession or just tree rats with good PR. No middle ground!

And yes, my journey to squirrel stardom may have zigzagged like a squirrel crossing a four-lane highway—but somehow, I ended up exactly where I was meant to be: surrounded by chewed drip lines, peanut shells, and a suspicious number of wine boxes repurposed as rodent real estate.

I’m thrilled my tale gave you a chuckle. Laughter’s the best kind of peanut butter—sticky, comforting, and impossible to get rid of once it’s in your life. More stories are definitely on the way. I’ve got nesting box blueprints, squirrel drama, and a vendetta against raccoons that’s just begging to be told.
Stay nutty, my friend. The squirrels demand it. I have posted many of my squirrel stories, but sadly not in this forum. Thanks!