Possible placement

[Scootermama]

Hello all!

I'm struggling with the most horrible decision....

Here's some backstory. My best friend was murdered in 2018 by her husband in a murder suicide... it was by far the lowest point in my life. A friend called me out of the blue and said his kiddos had stumbled on a baby squirrel and it needed help. He called me because I'd previously raised and released 3. Since my husband was genuinely concerned about my ability to keep going in life, he allowed me to take on this baby even though he was completely against me having a squirrel baby again... because of my selfishness in trying to keep the happiness Scooter brought me, I didn't release him.... soon he will be 5 years old...

Here's where the hard decision comes in... We were told we couldn't have kids, then SURPRISE, we were pregnant. She's now almost 3... she's always been great about leaving scooter alone but recently, she's become obsessed with him. Trying to pet him and feed him...the other day, she opened his cage. My husband saw this and immediately lost his mind because he's petrified Scooter will attack our daughter. He said if scooter even scratches her, we are done, and he's 100% serious. Our daughter is the only family he has besides me so he's incredibly protective and he's the dad he never had... he's a great husband and great father. So I'm now in the middle of picking my family vs picking my baby that helping me through the worst point in my life and I love him to the moon. I don't know what to do. Having a separate room in the house is out of the question as my husband is just done with everything entailed with having a squirrel. I feel like I failed my baby because I didn't release him and now I don't get to see him through his whole life. How do you choose between your family and fur family? Does anyone have any ideas, help, advice, absolutely anything? Would anyone take him in and love him? What do I do?!?! 😭 I'm absolutely sick and heart broken.

[lukaslolamaus]

I'm so terribly sorry for the loss of your friend :grouphug

Maybe you could put some type of lock (chew proof) on Scooter's cage so your daughter can't open the cage door?
Then have designated Scooter time while your daughter is napping or outside playing with dad?
Maybe with a lock on the cage your husband would reconsider a separate room, you could turn around a doorknob and lock it from the outside so your daughter won't have access to the room?

[Scootermama]

I'm so terribly sorry for the loss of your friend :grouphug

Maybe you could put some type of lock (chew proof) on Scooter's cage so your daughter can't open the cage door?
Then have designated Scooter time while your daughter is napping or outside playing with dad?
Maybe with a lock on the cage your husband would reconsider a separate room, you could turn around a doorknob and lock it from the outside so your daughter won't have access to the room?

Thank you, she was a one of a kind. ❤💔 I have zip tied the cage doors closed, except the tallest one she can't reach so I can feed him and let him out to play. Problem is tiny fingers going in the cage... there's no lock on the door between the house and the garage (which I think is stupid any how) but he won't let me change out the handle to one that locks, so she has to be in my sights at all times. The only thing I was able to convince him into (2 years ago when we built) was heating and cooling the garage so Scooter would be comfortable. 🥺

[BCChins]

Maybe screen attached to the cage so she cant stick her fingers in the cage??
Maybe a foster home until your Daughter is older?
Have you asked hubby to sit down and explain how this squirrel has helped you mentally from the loss of your friend? I am sooo horribly sorry for your loss :hug :Love_Icon

I'll keep thinking

[Tashahaven]

Hardware cloth around the cage bars so she can’t put her fingers in.

Squirrels will chew through a zip tie in half of a second. Most love chewing plastic, so they’re even more enticing. A small combination padlock would be better. To keep the doors secured, even the top one she currently can’t reach… it’s only a matter of time before she figures out a way to be able to reach it. She is at the age they start getting creative to solve problems and remove “obstacles” to get at what they want lol.

Im sorry for your loss. I can’t imagine.

Please clarify for me. In reading your post, you said your husband will make you give him up IF anything happens. But from what you said with your daughter opening the cage, she didn’t get scratched right? Are you looking for a new home out of an abundance of caution? Or did your husband officially say “no more”? Just trying to understand how urgent it is to possibly find a home immediately? Or help solve any potential issues that could become a problem?

[Scootermama]

Maybe screen attached to the cage so she cant stick her fingers in the cage??
Maybe a foster home until your Daughter is older?
Have you asked hubby to sit down and explain how this squirrel has helped you mentally from the loss of your friend? I am sooo horribly sorry for your loss :hug :Love_Icon

I'll keep thinking

That's a great idea! I didn't think about a screen! This is why i came here, ideas to help me keep my baby! Unfortunately, my husband grew up in a very emotionally detached home. Very very tough upbringing by a despicable "mother"...which lead him to having 0 empathy....after the first month, he couldn't understand why I was still sad. And he absolutely doesn't understand an emotional attachment to an animal, so reasoning with him on an emotional level over an animal is going to fall on deaf ears. 🥺

[Scootermama]

Hardware cloth around the cage bars so she can’t put her fingers in.

Squirrels will chew through a zip tie in half of a second. Most love chewing plastic, so they’re even more enticing. A small combination padlock would be better. To keep the doors secured, even the top one she currently can’t reach… it’s only a matter of time before she figures out a way to be able to reach it. She is at the age they start getting creative to solve problems and remove “obstacles” to get at what they want lol.

Im sorry for your loss. I can’t imagine.

Please clarify for me. In reading your post, you said your husband will make you give him up IF anything happens. But from what you said with your daughter opening the cage, she didn’t get scratched right? Are you looking for a new home out of an abundance of caution? Or did your husband officially say “no more”? Just trying to understand how urgent it is to possibly find a home immediately? Or help solve any potential issues that could become a problem?

The zip ties are around the little lever things on the outside so he can't get his face through the bars to get to it lol. I did figure out the hard way that they love to destroy plastic a few years ago 🤣 destructive little turds 🤣..

My husband will divorce me if he so much as scratches her, because I'm willingly putting our child in danger by having a wild animal and I'm selfish for it.

I was cleaning his cage when she opened it and I had him trapped in the top left quadrant so he panicked for no reason because scooter couldn't gave gotten to her or escaped if he tried but I guess it's the point to him.. I came here for any kind of advice or ideas. Kind of just in a panic because this is miserable and I don't know what to do. I'm going to try the screen idea and see if that helps alleviate my husband's fears and allows me to keep my boy! I never even thought of a screen!

[JLM27]

Hey, you are in a worse situation with your husband than with your squirrel. He sounds insufferably controlling, so please remember this is 2023, and women have a voice nowadays (I thought). You are being bullied here. Stand up for yourself and your daughter before it is too late and you are locked into a life you don't want for either yourself or your child..

[button nose's mom]

My heart is hurting for you! I was married to a Narcissist, and with just a few words...you describe one. You said that he has no or very low empathy and that's a big red flag. Grounds for a divorce, from a scratch!? Get rid of your beloved pet, after how many years? That's not exactly no empathy, this is foul play, manipulation of your emotions. It's cruel and he knows it. It won't stop at making you do this, once you get rid of your lovey...he'll come up with another test of your obedience. Imagine if he had a dog from the beginning of the relationship...and you demanded he re-home it or...

Pay attention that him saying this scratch implies it would be your fault because it's your squirrel and he'll make you pay. Kids get boo boos and that's inevitable, time for divorce then too? Is your child never going to be allow a pet, a traditional one? What about riding a bike? Is this starting to sound a bit over the top and irrational? And after this mean stunt what's next? If he is a Narc...there will be a next.

Sorry, I have a big mouth when it comes to this topic. I'm actually concerned for you, child and squirrel. Put your foot down and say, non attacking, that you will keep your squirrel and make accommodations for safety of child and pet. If he becomes OVER angry about it or rages, makes you afraid, gives you the silent treatment then it isn't about being worried about his child...it's about controlling you. If this is Narcissism, (common with tragic childhoods and rotten mothers) then start reading about setting Boundaries. There's lots online for some self help. Don't tell him you think something is up, keep your knowledge hidden. Relationships work both ways, not one acting like a bully. God I hope he doesn't hurt the squirrel. Narcs do that too, cruel to pets. Tread carefully.

[button nose's mom]

I should add, there is no treatment or cure...they just get worse.

[Charley Chuckles]

I'm so very sorry for your situation it must be hell for you😥
I'm truly concerned he may hurt your squirrel or throw him outside 😱I'm praying that doesn't happen🙏🙏🙏

[Tashahaven]

I hope you still come back on here to continue to brainstorm solutions for you and your squirrel.

What people have said is quite valid, and anything said is coming from a genuine place of love and care, for you and your family.

It is difficult if not sometimes impossible to recognize when you are in the trenches of a situation like this and be blind to it. That is not YOUR fault, and no one is implying it is.

These types of relationships build over time, and are done in a way where you can’t see it happening. For some it takes many years before recognizing it, for others they live in denial and never recognize it.

While the statements made regarding how your husband is treating you, are true… we understand if it is too much to talk about at this time.

You came here for ideas on what to do about your squirrel. Please continue to come back to us so we can help you come up with a solution/solutions…

I’m not trying to upset anyone who posted, I know it is truly coming from a place of love, respect and caring. I just don’t want to overwhelm or upset the OP before we make sure the safety of her squirrel is figured out. 🫶🏼🥰❤️*🩹

[JLM27]

I would like to add, your child and you yourself must come first. Rehome your squirrel before there is a tragedy. Best case: someone can take him/her temporarily until the rest of the situation is resolved.

[Shellysfriend]

It sounds like you found a solution for what you want with the window screen. Since the title is possible placement I would offer that I have a double critter nation, homemade Henry’s blocks and a quiet home at the ready if you decide to go that route.

[Scootermama]

I'm so very sorry for your situation it must be hell for you😥
I'm truly concerned he may hurt your squirrel or throw him outside 😱I'm praying that doesn't happen🙏🙏🙏

He will not harm or release. I am 100% certain.

[Scootermama]

I hope you still come back on here to continue to brainstorm solutions for you and your squirrel.

What people have said is quite valid, and anything said is coming from a genuine place of love and care, for you and your family.

It is difficult if not sometimes impossible to recognize when you are in the trenches of a situation like this and be blind to it. That is not YOUR fault, and no one is implying it is.

These types of relationships build over time, and are done in a way where you can’t see it happening. For some it takes many years before recognizing it, for others they live in denial and never recognize it.

While the statements made regarding how your husband is treating you, are true… we understand if it is too much to talk about at this time.

You came here for ideas on what to do about your squirrel. Please continue to come back to us so we can help you come up with a solution/solutions…

I’m not trying to upset anyone who posted, I know it is truly coming from a place of love, respect and caring. I just don’t want to overwhelm or upset the OP before we make sure the safety of her squirrel is figured out. 🫶🏼🥰❤️*🩹


In re-reading my comments, I can understand how my poor wording may have made it seem he is being hateful or mean, however, he is not, he's being matter of fact. He is loving, caring, a great husband and father. He's just not attached to animals, and some people are like that. Doesn't mean they're bad people. The people he loves, he loves and would be devastated if something happened to them... with my friend, he just didn't understand it because she wasn't his friend.... Not meaning this offensively but if some random person passes that I have no emotional connection to, yes it's a bummer for those that loved them but it doesn't effect me... it doesn't send me into a spiraling depression like her loss did... It's no different. She wasn't his friend therefore, it didn't affect him like it did me. I don't know how this got turned from a situation about a squirrel to an attack on my spouse. I never said he was mean or hateful about it. He's just not attached. That said, I plan to head to the city for Harware cloth as recommended in a previous post and will hope that keeps her little fingers out of harms way.

[Scootermama]

It sounds like you found a solution for what you want with the window screen. Since the title is possible placement I would offer that I have a double critter nation, homemade Henry’s blocks and a quiet home at the ready if you decide to go that route.

Thank you for your genuine care! I will get in contact with you if the need arises. Thank you for being wonderful and not attacking.

[Scootermama]

My heart is hurting for you! I was married to a Narcissist, and with just a few words...you describe one. You said that he has no or very low empathy and that's a big red flag. Grounds for a divorce, from a scratch!? Get rid of your beloved pet, after how many years? That's not exactly no empathy, this is foul play, manipulation of your emotions. It's cruel and he knows it. It won't stop at making you do this, once you get rid of your lovey...he'll come up with another test of your obedience. Imagine if he had a dog from the beginning of the relationship...and you demanded he re-home it or...

Pay attention that him saying this scratch implies it would be your fault because it's your squirrel and he'll make you pay. Kids get boo boos and that's inevitable, time for divorce then too? Is your child never going to be allow a pet, a traditional one? What about riding a bike? Is this starting to sound a bit over the top and irrational? And after this mean stunt what's next? If he is a Narc...there will be a next.

Sorry, I have a big mouth when it comes to this topic. I'm actually concerned for you, child and squirrel. Put your foot down and say, non attacking, that you will keep your squirrel and make accommodations for safety of child and pet. If he becomes OVER angry about it or rages, makes you afraid, gives you the silent treatment then it isn't about being worried about his child...it's about controlling you. If this is Narcissism, (common with tragic childhoods and rotten mothers) then start reading about setting Boundaries. There's lots online for some self help. Don't tell him you think something is up, keep your knowledge hidden. Relationships work both ways, not one acting like a bully. God I hope he doesn't hurt the squirrel. Narcs do that too, cruel to pets. Tread carefully.

While I feel I poorly worded how things went down with my spouse, I feel this comment is WAY over the top. You may have been married to a narcissist but your situation is not mine. As my original post mentioned, my best friend was murdered in a domestic violence situation- since she died, I have spent countless hours learning about abusive tendencies and situations, from seminars to books/pamphlets to speaking on it, so I can help others in the future, like I couldn't help her. This is not narcissism or abuse. If I feared for anything, I would never stay. I'm sorry you went through what you went through, but that has given you a jaded view and made you assume the worst in others.

Grounds for divorce from a scratch because we all know how horribly a squirrel can (and will) attack. He was making it known that he won't put my squirrel above our child's safety. If my husband had a dog that would attack my child, you betcha I'd demand him to rehome it, someone else without a child could give it a great home. And I 100% understand where he's coming from because I too worry about Scooter attacking her. Who wouldn't? Their razor sharp claws, their insanely powerful little jaws and teeth can bite through bone and slice tendons with incredible ease. We all know they bond with one person and will ABSOLUTELY attack if provoked or feels threatened. What squirrel wouldn't feel threatened with a tiny human trying to poke and prod and grab, and she wouldn't know any better, she's only just turning 3... If he ran across her face as he has mine while playing, she could lose an eye if the corneal scratch was bad enough or endophthalmitis set in....It's a completely valid concern, which is why I have always kept my child away from Scooter. Kids do get booboos and I'm not blamed for hers at all.

No need to be concerned for any of our safety. You made this into far worse a scenario in your head than in real life. He would never harm Scooter. Or any animal, that he didn't intend to eat (he's a hunter, which is why I felt the need to specify the eating part).

[Shellysfriend]

All fun and games till your face gets mistaken for an emergency tree! Happened a few times!

[TubeDriver]

A gentle reminder for all our members, please be constructive and focused with our advice. I think ALL the responses here have come from a desire to be helpful but also remember that it is easy to misunderstand a complicated situation when reading a post with a paragraph or two of info. That is always one of the limitations of this or any online site, we are only getting a quick glimpse into a situation, not the full picture and not all the details and subtleties involved. There have been some good suggestions on how to keep the child and squirrel safe and separate, that should probably be our main focus. :great

[Tashahaven]

Were you able to get the hardware cloth? I do hope it gives you piece of mind for your squirrel and your daughter!

Would love to see photos once you get it put on… if you are struggling at all with HOW to best attach it to the cage, let us know! There are so many amazingly creative and resourceful folks here that will certainly have lots of unique ideas.

Attaching to an existing cage bar structure is certainly more challenging than simply being able to staple it to wood framing. 🤗

I would still like to recommend &/or encourage you to look into a small combination lock also - luggage sized is more than adequate, for when your daughter becomes even more active. They are so cheap, and simple to use…you can at least have one on hand for when the day comes (and it will come) Lol! mamma doesn’t get to take her running shoes off now, for at least another 15 years 😬

Just a thought…

But the hardware cloth surrounding the current cage bars should work really well! Just trying to think through any other potential risks or issues, BEFORE becoming a risk/issue 🥰

Also, would LOVE LOVE LOVE to see a photo or two or three of your sweet, darling SQUEE! 💕

[Scootermama]

All fun and games till your face gets mistaken for an emergency tree! Happened a few times!

For sure! He had the zoomies one night and was just darting around the room and my face was apparently in the way, ran right across it and put 3 big long gashes right across my forehead. Looked super professional at work 🤣...

[Scootermama]

Were you able to get the hardware cloth? I do hope it gives you piece of mind for your squirrel and your daughter!

Would love to see photos once you get it put on… if you are struggling at all with HOW to best attach it to the cage, let us know! There are so many amazingly creative and resourceful folks here that will certainly have lots of unique ideas.

Attaching to an existing cage bar structure is certainly more challenging than simply being able to staple it to wood framing. 🤗

I would still like to recommend &/or encourage you to look into a small combination lock also - luggage sized is more than adequate, for when your daughter becomes even more active. They are so cheap, and simple to use…you can at least have one on hand for when the day comes (and it will come) Lol! mamma doesn’t get to take her running shoes off now, for at least another 15 years 😬

Just a thought…

But the hardware cloth surrounding the current cage bars should work really well! Just trying to think through any other potential risks or issues, BEFORE becoming a risk/issue 🥰

Also, would LOVE LOVE LOVE to see a photo or two or three of your sweet, darling SQUEE! 💕

I have not yet, I live in a really small town so I have to go to the city for it 🤣 I'm going Saturday!. I'm glad you mentioned attaching it because I hadn't thought about how I was going to attach it. Just got excited that it's a good idea. Idk how to post a pic but I've got about a billion lol. Would love you show his handsome self off if you tell me how 🤣

[Charley Chuckles]

To put up pictures, click the paperclip 📎 and follow the promps 👍
I hope this helps 🤗

[Tashahaven]

If there is a Harborfreight near where you will going on Saturday, you can buy the small padlocks there, and also find stainless steel zip ties which you could use for attaching the hardware cloth, since they cant be chewed through like normal zip ties.

Make sure you tighten them through the cage bars and hardware cloth tight but don’t cut the leftover length of “tail” of the ties, instead twist it around itself in a circular fashion. Otherwise it will leave a very sharp edge which can cut him or you/daughter. But by twisting it around itself it won’t leave a sharp edge. You could wrap the twisted end in electrical tape too just to be doubly safe.

You can also find all the above at other hardware stores, Lowe’s/Home Depot/ace, but it will cost considerably more.